How Much is a Farns Worth? Unregular Units of Measurement. Currently taking submissions…

• Coolness is measured in Mega-Fonzies. Named for Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli; the epitome of what the 1970s thought was 1950s cool, until he literally jumped a shark on a surfboard. Which, incidentally, is where that saying comes from.
  

• Confusion is measured Shpongles.
  

• A Micro-Fortnight is approximately 1.2096 seconds.

• WARNING: Olympic pimming swools are an unreliable measure because they have no fixed depth!

• A gnat’s fart is also unreliable unless you dined with said gnat first.